Finances

If you are going to have an affair, you need to be able to pay for it. Yes, when you were a teenager, you could have sex under the bleachers at the high school football field or in back of your mom’s station wagon. And the girls loved it – well, they put up with it. Women won’t. Women of substance need more. They expect more. You need to deliver more. In my experience, there is no aphrodisiac like a suite at a luxury hotel.

Let’s face it, at my age, I’ll be on the prowl for the 35+ woman. And she has done the low budget romance, and she does not want to do it again. And I do not want to run her through that. We both expect and deserve more.

Fortunately for me, the company I work for offers stock options. And having been with the company for a while, I have accumulated quite a few. The stock gets delivered to my personal stock account at one of those old full service (high cost) brokerage houses. We, my wife and I, have a joint stock account at one of those on-line discount brokers. She keeps close tab on the money in there, but she often forgets about the account that the stock option purchases get delivered through. Turns out that I have a tidy sum sitting in there which the wife knows nothing about. So that is my seduction nest egg.

In fact, the statements get delivered to the office, not the house, so she never needs to see them (except tax time, but that’s another post).

In addition to having money, you need to be able to spend it. Let’s face it, today, you can’t do everything in cash. While dropping a few Benjamins at dinner may be OK, renting a car at Heathrow or checking into the Hyatt in London with a pile of pounds is a real faux pas. You just can’t do it. You need to be able to pull out a American express gold card. So, today, go out and apply for that amex gold card, and have it sent to the office, so that the wife never need see the statements. This will eliminate a lot of problems.

Lastly, you will need a checking account of your own – again, with the mailing address as your office. This is essential.

When I started my career, I did a lot of business travel. I did not have my own charge card, or checking account. I just used the same card as for the day-to-day expenses. The wife blew up at me one day for this arrangement. You see, I had taken a trip to Tokyo, Taipei, and Sydney. I spent about $12,000 – all expense account charges (the company did not provide a credit card, but repaid when an expense report was submitted). The Visa bill came due (back them I was making about $5k a month) – and the wife simply did not have enough money to pay the bill. I was off on another trip, so I could not submit the report in time to pay the bill. Well, the wife was pissed. She told me I needed to fix this. So when I got back I got my own charge card and checking account.

Funny thing is, when I was in the bank getting my checking account, she showed up at the bank. Not sure how she knew I was there – maybe just a bad coincidence. But she asked to be joint on the account. I asked why (I knew it would come in handy to have my own money one day). She said that just in case I was off traveling and needed access to the account, if her name was on it she could do things for me (how sweet of her). This was all before all the on-line stuff we have today. Anyway, she is joint on the account, but all the statements come to the office and I have not given her the password to access the account on line. So I think it’s safe.

Anyway, last year, there were a lot of bank acquisitions. The wife pointed out to me that the bank where I had my business charge card was acquired by our primary bank. The bank seems to have noticed that the social security numbers matched and their website made everything available to my wife when she looked at the accounts on line. I asked her, “What if I was using this account to buy underwear for my mistress?” She replied with a very quick “Too bad!”

So I promptly ditched that credit card. I now have an AMEX and it cannot be seen by the wife. I have a checking account (which she technically could access) and funds to do some fun things.

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